Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:26:41 GMT

I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the chaos that is my world.
I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.
I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behavior.
I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did yesterday.
I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of god, and memorize them accordingly.
I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures
I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.
I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.

This sounds like a prayer that I say in church, which is why I like it so much. I just need to read this whenever I feel like binging.

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 04:07:45 GMT

Biggest binge of my life. My stomach feels like its ready to explode and yet I still want more food.

....and just as I reached my lowest weight.

I honestly dont know whats wrong with me.

I have such an urge to cut right now, but something seems to be holding me back.

Que me nourrit, me détruit aussi.